


Neelix's Special Blend

by mandykaysfic



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 06:23:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1215928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandykaysfic/pseuds/mandykaysfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chell assists Neelix in the kitchen, but what is Neelix really making? Why is Captain Janeway's coffee green?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Neelix's Special Blend

“Ah, I’m so glad you’re my assistant today, Mr Chell. Now if you would just stir the contents of this pan here – don’t let it burn now. In five minutes, add two teaspoonfuls of this,” and Neelix tapped a large covered container with his ladle, “to that dish there, and make sure this one only simmers – turn it down a little if it starts to change color – I’m sure I’ll be back before that happens, I would be most grateful.” He dropped the ladle on the bench and picked up a thermomug. He inspected the contents of the tall pot that Chell was to make sure only simmered and sniffed carefully. Nodding to himself, he filled the thermomug with some of the liquid, sealed it carefully and placed it on a tray that already held some cookies on a plate. “Remember, simmer only,” he called as he looked back for a moment from the Mess Hall doorway.

Chell waved a large spoon at Neelix and turned to the cook top and poked at the colorful medley in the pan. He recognized the tomatoes, green peppers and carrots fresh from Hydroponics. The long yellow beans-that-weren’t had been obtained in trade last week. He examined the contents closely as he stirred them carefully and decided this dish had to be the vegetarian alternative. He carefully scooped up a spoonful, making sure the cubes of leola root stayed in the pan. He blew on it once and then slurped the liquid from the spoon. He swirled it round his mouth, swallowed and then licked his lips. He waited a moment before eating the vegetables still on the spoon. A murmur of approval escaped his lips. He took another spoonful. And another. His spoon hovered over the mixture as he debated whether or not to have just one more mouthful. 

“What do you think your doing?”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m just checking it now.” Chell dropped the ladle in a hurry and splashes of bright red sauce stained his apron. He guiltily spun round to check on the contents of the tall pot that still quietly simmered and had lifted the lid before he realized the voice did not belong to Neelix. “Dalby!” he threw a few choice Bolian curses at his friend and the navy color that stained his cheeks faded quickly. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in Engineering?”

Dalby shook his head. “Day off. I was bored. I thought I’d see if you wanted to head over to Sandrine’s. Where’s Neelix?”

“Taking Janeway her coffee or something, I think. I can’t leave.” Chell measured the two teaspoons of spice and conscientiously added it to the correct container. He stirred it through until there was no sign of the brown powder and replaced the lid.

“Is it any good?”

“I don’t know, but this one certainly is.” He found a clean spoon and offered Dalby a small taste.

“What about that?”

“That’s the coffee.”

“Are you sure?”

“That’s what he took with him on the tray. It smelt like coffee.”

“But it’s green.”

“Huh?”

“The steam, Chell. The steam is green.”

“It wasn’t green before. I’m sure it wasn’t!” Panic colored Chell’s tones and he tossed the spoon aside as he examined the tall coffee pot. It still seemed to be simmering, but he lowered the heat, just to be on the safe side. He leant close and cautiously sniffed the steam. “Smells like coffee.” 

Dalby joined Chell at the cook top and, mindful of the heat, pushed in front to inspect the pot from which the green-colored steam still curled. He used his hand to waft the steam toward his face. He took in one short, sharp inhalation. His eyelids fluttered. “Whu?” He breathed in again, slowly, deeply. His head tipped back and an unlikely expression of dreamy ecstasy settled over his features. “Now that’s coffee.” He sighed and filled his lungs once again with the coffee-laden steam. “Get a couple of cups.”

“I don’t know, Dalby. Neelix didn’t say…There’s only this one potful. It probably isn’t even coffee, after all it’s green. It could be fertilizer or something. We shouldn’t be doing this. It’s probably Janeway’s special blend or something. Do you want to spend a month in the brig? Neelix will be back any minute. C’mon man, Neelix put me in charge.” Chell continued protesting volubly as he tried to push Dalby from the galley.

“Just half a cup each. He’ll never know. You can add a bit of water or something to it if you’re worried.”

Chell vacillated for another minute and then gave in to Dalby’s demands as he usually did. “All right. Go and sit down. I’ll bring it over.” He measured two half cups of the oddly colored coffee and poured the same amount of water back into the pot. He raised the heat just a little, stirred both of the other dishes for good measure and finally carried the cups over to Dalby’s chosen table. “Don’t take too long over it,” he cautioned. “Neelix should be back soon.”

Dalby ignored him, intent on extracting the maximum enjoyment of the best coffee-substitute in the galaxy. Used as the crew was to the colors of Neelix’s meals, the sight of green liquid in combination with the smell was a trifle off-putting, so he closed his eyes and enjoyed the rich coffee aroma again, drawing out the anticipation of that first mouthful. It didn’t disappoint, right down to the caffeine jolt that the replicated stuff just couldn’t quite achieve. He concentrated on the sensation of hot liquid, traveling down his esophagus, warming his stomach and his toes curled in almost orgasmic delight.

Chell cradled his cup in his hands and drew comfort from the heat. The steam tickled his nose and the tantalizing aroma was enough to allow his guilt over the stolen sample to be pushed aside. He copied Dalby and closed his eyes. A moan of satisfaction escaped Dalby’s lips and teased Chell’s sensibilities. He took a mouthful and moments later, echoed Dalby. 

Dalby’s yeah in reply was a long drawn-out sigh. He savored another small mouthful. Hearing a hollow chink from Chell’s side of the table, he opened his eyes to see the Bolian staring regretfully at his empty cup.

“No self-control,” murmured Dalby pityingly. He looked at the liquid still remaining in his cup and found himself on the horns of a dilemma. Should he continue to draw out the experience and risk the last mouthful being unpleasantly cool and possibly bitter, or should he finish it off in one glorious gulp while the temperature was still almost at the peak of perfection. He felt Chell’s gaze upon him. Would he try to wheedle the last drop of Dalby’s nectar? Chell was well known for begging his friends’ leftovers when it involved his favorite meals. He watched Chell lick his lips and open his mouth. Dalby took no chances. He raised his cup to his lips and poured the last of the hot green liquid slowly into his mouth.

“Mr Chell, why aren’t you stirring the dinner?”

Neither man had noticed Neelix’s return. Their empty cups stood testament to their guilt. Chell jumped to his feet and immediately launched into a bunch of excuses, but Neelix ignored them both and hurried to the cook top. He gave the vegetable casserole a brief stir, satisfying himself it remained edible. He tasted the other main dish. “At least you added the right spices as instructed,” he said. With relief, he turned his attention to the tall pot of simmering green coffee. He inhaled deeply then took a step back and frowned as he examined the temperature controls. “This seems to be right, but it just doesn’t smell like it should.” He took another sniff. “Hmm, not strong enough, I think.”

Chell exchanged glances with Dalby. “You said he wouldn’t notice if we added more water.”

“How did I know his sense of smell was that good? I’m not the one who helps out in the kitchen. You should have known.”

“Well, I didn’t.”

“Did you add water to this for some reason?” Neelix interrupted their low voiced exchange.

“Err, well, um, yes, in fact, yes we – I did. I did add some water. Just a little.” Chell wrung his hands as he confessed. “We – err, I didn’t think Captain Janeway would mind. It’s been so long -,”

“Captain Janeway?” interrupted Neelix.

“I’m sure she wouldn’t object to our having had a little taste. It was just half a cup. It was the smell, you see. We haven’t had coffee like that for so long, we couldn’t resist.”

“Coffee? You thought this was Captain Janeway’s coffee?” Neelix’s eyebrows rose high on his forehead. His eyes narrowed and he wrinkled his nose. “Oh no, no, no! I would never serve Captain Janeway green coffee. Coffee is always brown. This isn’t coffee at all. In fact, it’s not meant to be drunk.”

Chell grasped his throat and made choking noises. His bright blue skin took on a navy hue and his chest heaved as he struggled to breathe. “Sickbay,” he gasped out in strangulated tones. By contrast, Dalby remained calm although he almost looked a little green around the gills. “What have you poisoned us with?” he enquired, enunciating every word clearly. 

“Oh, you don’t need to go to Sickbay.” Neelix was at his most reassuring. At least, I don’t think so. Let me see, it contained…” and he concentrated hard as he ran through a list of ingredients in his head, although the occasional audible syllable did nothing to inspire confidence in the anxious men. “Yes, that’s all. No, you’re not poisoned,” he finished up confidently and beamed reassuringly at them.

“But it smelled like coffee,” whined Chell, calmer now he knew he wasn’t going to die. “And it tasted divine. And you put it on a tray with cookies. What else was I supposed to think,” he finished up accusingly.

“I knew nothing this good could have been destined for the Mess Hall,” muttered Dalby. “You still haven’t told us what it is,” he said more loudly.

“Haven’t I? Oh, it’s confidential, but with what’s happened, I suppose you’ll need to know. It’s an old Talaxian remedy I promised to make up for Mr Kim. He has a little rash. Actually, it’s quite a big rash, but if he adds one cupful to a bathful of water and soaks in it for twenty minutes, it’s guaranteed to relieve the itching. It foams up quite nicely if it’s added while hot. It seems the rash was a rather late side effect from his dalliance with Derran Tal, and he didn’t want to go back to the Doctor,” finished Neelix in hushed tones. He ducked down when Dalby growled and lurched towards the counter with outstretched arms.

“You mean that’s a cure for a symptom of a sexually transmitted disease?”

“It’s made with all natural ingredients,” offered Neelix quickly and barricaded himself safely in the pantry. “You’ll be fine.” His voice came through somewhat muffled.

“Gah!” spat Dalby. 

“Here.” Chell handed him a large replicated glass of water. “We should be able to dilute it like this.” 

They’d already started drinking when an urgent tapping sounded from inside the pantry. 

“Just don’t drink anything for twenty minutes – the bubbles you know!” Neelix cringed at the sound of glass breaking on the pantry door. “Oops, too late,” he remarked to himself and made himself comfortable. He was sure he wouldn’t be getting out any time soon.

END


End file.
